Managing Grief During the Holidays
The holidays can magnify absence. Traditions that once felt comforting can stir up waves of sadness, anger, guilt, or even numbness. If you're grieving, whether from the loss of a loved one, a relationship, your health, or another life change, you're not "doing it wrong." You're human. Here's a compassionate guide to help you navigate this season with care.
Permit Yourself to Feel
Grief isn't linear, and it doesn't follow a calendar. You might laugh one minute and cry the next. Both are valid.
Name your feelings. Try: "Right now I'm feeling heavy and irritable." Naming emotions reduces their intensity.
Set realistic expectations. You don't owe anyone "holiday cheer." Decide what you can handle and what you can't, this year.
Plan for grief spikes. Music, scents, and old routines can trigger sudden pain. Build in calming options (a short walk, a breathing break, stepping outside for fresh air).
Seek Support with Friends and Family
You don't have to carry this alone. The people who love you may not know what to say, but many want to show up. Make it easier for them.
Be specific about needs. o "Can you check on me Sunday evening?" o "I'd love company for 30 minutes while I decorate."
Share your boundaries. o "I'm skipping the white-elephant game this year." o "I'm not ready to talk about ___ today."
Embrace mixed emotions together. Invite moments of memory and joy without pressuring yourself to be festive the entire time.
Make Space to Process
Grief needs containers, times, and places where it can safely breathe.
Schedule your sorrow. Choose a regular window (e.g., Saturday morning) to journal, cry, pray, or sit with a photo. Paradoxically, planned time can reduce intrusive waves later.
Journal prompts: o "What am I missing most right now?" o "What do I wish I could tell them today?" o "What small mercy helped me this week?"
Body-based care. Gentle stretching, a hot shower, a walk, or grounding with your five senses can lower the physical load of grief.
Digital boundaries. Mute accounts or keywords that spike pain. Your nervous system deserves protection.
If you're finding it difficult to manage grief on your own, professional support can help. At JIWS, our grief-informed therapists understand that loss doesn't pause for the holidays—and we're here to walk alongside you. Get started with your intake form to create a personalized plan for navigating this season.
Honor What Was and What Still Is
Rituals can transform pain into meaning.
Light a candle in your loved one's honor before dinner.
Set an empty place with a note inviting family to write a memory.
Cook one favorite dish and say their name before the first bite.
Create a giving ritual: donate in their memory or volunteer for a cause they loved.
Small, repeatable gestures remind us love doesn't end; it changes form.
Create Your "New Normal"
You don't have to erase the past to build a life that fits now. Think "adjust," not "replace."
Edit traditions. Keep one element, simplify another, and skip the rest. (Example: movie night yes, big party no.)
Add permission slips. o "I can leave early." o "I can change my mind day-of." o "I can find joy without guilt."
Design anchor moments. Choose two or three non-negotiables that nurture you (a morning walk, a call with a friend, a quiet cup of tea with music).
Plan exit routes. Drive yourself or arrange a rideshare. Pick a seat near the door. Have a phrase ready: "I'm so glad I came—my energy is low, so I'm heading out."
When People Don't "Get It"
It's painful when others minimize your grief. Try concise scripts:
"I appreciate the invite. My capacity is limited right now."
"I'm not looking for solutions—listening is perfect."
"Grief doesn't have a timeline for me."
Protect your peace. You're allowed to curate your company.
A Note for Parents and Caregivers
Kids grieve in bursts. Model healthy coping:
Use clear, simple language ("Grandma died; we won't see her, but we can remember her.").
Offer choices ("Do you want to help decorate or draw a picture for the memory table?").
Keep routines where possible; predictability is soothing.
Consider Professional Support
Grief is not a problem to fix, it's a process to support. Therapy offers space to:
Untangle complicated emotions like guilt, anger, or relief
Learn coping skills tailored to your nervous system
Navigate anniversaries, blended families, or holiday conflicts
Rebuild identity and meaning after loss
You're Not Behind in Grief
There's no "right way" to do the holidays after a loss. There's only your way, measured by gentleness, honesty, and small acts of care. Choose what nourishes you, release what doesn't, and let love—still here in new forms—guide your next step.
You Don't Have to Navigate Grief Alone This Holiday Season
At Javery Integrative Wellness Services, we walk alongside accomplished Black women processing loss while maintaining their strength and purpose. Our culturally responsive grief support honors your resilience while creating space for authentic healing.
Whether you're grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship, your health, or a life you thought you'd have—we're here. Our grief-informed therapists understand the unique weight Black women carry and the pressure to "stay strong" even when you're hurting.
This holiday season can feel different when you have the right support.
At Javery Integrative Wellness Services, we walk alongside accomplished Black women processing loss while maintaining their strength and purpose. Our culturally responsive grief support honors your resilience while creating space for authentic healing.