Relationship Resolutions: Moving Beyond "I Just Want to Be Happy" in 2026
"I just want to be happy."
It's the most common relationship goal we hear. And it makes perfect sense—who doesn't want to be happy?
But here's the truth: "I just want to be happy" isn't a relationship goal—it's a hope.
It's like saying "I want to be healthy" without ever defining what health looks like for you, without identifying what's making you unhealthy, without creating a plan to get from where you are to where you want to be.
Happiness is an outcome, not a strategy. And when it comes to relationships, hoping for happiness without intentionally creating it leads to the same cycles playing out year after year.
Different partner. Same patterns. Same disappointments. Same question: "Why does this keep happening to me?"
If you want 2026 to be different, you need relationship intentions that actually create change—not just generic goals that sound good on paper.
Why Generic Relationship Resolutions Fail
Let's be honest: Most New Year relationship goals sound like this:
"Communicate better"
"Spend more quality time together"
"Be more affectionate"
"Fight less"
These aren't bad goals. But they're surface-level solutions to deeper patterns.
"Communicate better" doesn't address WHY you shut down during conflict.
"Spend more quality time" doesn't fix the disconnection you feel even when you're together.
"Be more affectionate" doesn't heal the resentment that's blocking your intimacy.
Generic goals fail because they don't get to the root of what's actually happening in your relationship. They're band-aids on wounds that need real healing.
And for Black couples specifically, these generic goals often ignore the cultural context you're navigating: inherited relationship patterns, the impact of external stress on your connection, the ways you've both been taught to show up in relationships, and the unique pressures you face as a Black couple trying to build love in a world that wasn't designed to support it.
The Difference Between What You Don't Want vs. What You Do Want
Most people can tell you what they DON'T want in their relationship:
"I don't want to fight all the time." "I don't want to feel lonely even when we're together." "I don't want to keep having the same conversation over and over."
But when we ask "What DO you want to feel more of?" there's often silence.
Because you've been so focused on avoiding pain that you haven't defined what pleasure, connection, or satisfaction actually looks like in your relationship.
Here's the shift: Instead of setting goals based on what you want to avoid, set intentions based on what you want to create.
Not "I don't want to fight" but "I want to feel safe being honest with you."
Not "I don't want to feel disconnected" but "I want to feel seen and understood by you."
Not "I don't want the same arguments" but "I want us to solve problems together instead of against each other."
Do you feel the difference? One is defensive, the other is creative. One is about protection, the other is about possibility.
Four Relationship Intentions That Actually Create Change
1. "I Want to Feel Safe Being Fully Myself with You"
This is about authentic intimacy—being able to show up as your real self, not just your "best" self.
It means you can be tired, messy, uncertain, emotional, silly, serious, sexual, vulnerable, angry, joyful—all of it—without fear of judgment or rejection.
The practice: Notice when you're editing yourself to be more palatable. What would change if you let your partner see that part of you?
2. "I Want Us to Prioritize Our Connection, Not Just Our Responsibilities"
This is about intentional time together—not just logistics and to-do lists.
For many Black couples, you're navigating careers, family obligations, financial stress, and all the external pressures that come with building a life together. It's easy for the relationship to become about managing life rather than enjoying each other.
The practice: Create one weekly ritual that's about connection, not productivity. No phones, no problem-solving—just presence with each other.
3. "I Want to Understand Your Experience, Not Just Defend My Own"
This is about curiosity over defensiveness during conflict.
Most arguments aren't about the thing you're arguing about—they're about feeling unheard, unseen, or misunderstood. When you shift from defending your position to genuinely trying to understand your partner's experience, everything changes.
The practice: Next time there's conflict, try this: "Help me understand what this means to you" before you explain what it means to you.
4. "I Want to Choose Us Even When It's Hard"
This is about commitment—the active, daily choice to show up for the relationship even when it's easier not to.
Love isn't just a feeling; it's a decision you make repeatedly. To stay curious instead of checked out. To repair after conflict instead of letting resentment build. To prioritize the relationship even when you're tired, stressed, or frustrated.
The practice: Identify one moment this week where choosing your relationship feels hard—and choose it anyway. Notice what happens.
How to Talk About These Intentions with Your Partner
Setting relationship intentions isn't something you do alone—it's a conversation you have together.
Here's how to start:
Create space for the conversation. Don't bring this up in the middle of an argument or while you're both exhausted. Set aside intentional time when you can both be present.
Lead with curiosity, not criticism. Instead of "You never..." try "I'd love for us to talk about what we both want to feel more of in our relationship this year."
Share your desires, not just your complaints. "I want to feel more connected to you" lands differently than "We never spend time together."
Invite their perspective. "What about you? What do you want to feel more of? What would make this relationship feel more satisfying for you?"
Start small and specific. You don't have to overhaul your entire relationship on January 1st. Pick ONE intention to focus on together. Create ONE small practice you'll both commit to.
The Relationship You Actually Want
Imagine a relationship where you don't have to hide parts of yourself to be loved.
Where conflict brings you closer instead of creating distance.
Where you feel chosen, seen, and safe—not just tolerated or taken for granted.
Where you're building something together, not just surviving side by side.
That's not a fantasy relationship—it's what becomes possible when you move beyond generic goals and create specific, intentional practices for the connection you actually want.
The love you desire is available. But it won't appear just because the calendar changed.
It will show up when you and your partner decide, together, to create it.
At Javery Integrative Wellness Services, we help successful Black individuals and couples create relationships that feel as fulfilling as they look. Our culturally responsive therapists support deeper connections through holistic approaches that honor both achievement and intimacy.
Ready to create the relationship you actually want—not just the one that looks good from the outside? Our couples therapists specialize in helping Black couples build deeper intimacy, healthier communication, and authentic connection.
Find your couples therapist match here: www.javerywellness.com/get-started
Or join our email community for relationship insights that go beyond surface-level advice.
What's one thing you want to feel MORE of in your relationship this year? (Not just what you want less of.) Drop your answer in the comments—your clarity might inspire someone else's breakthrough.