The "Strong Black Woman" Started Diet Culture: Healing Your Relationship with Food and Your Body
You were taught to be strong, not to need things—including food for pleasure.
Think about the messages you inherited about being a Black woman: Be strong. Don't complain. Handle your business. Don't be a burden. Keep it together no matter what.
Now think about your relationship with food.
Do you eat differently when you're stressed? Do you restrict when you feel out of control? Do you reward yourself with food after a hard day, then feel guilty about it? Do you ignore your body's hunger cues because you're "too busy" or because you don't trust yourself around food?
These aren't separate issues. They're deeply connected.
The same survival mode that taught you to push through exhaustion, to ignore your needs, to be "strong" for everyone else—that's the same programming affecting how you feed yourself, rest yourself, and treat your body.
How Survival Mode Became Your Eating Pattern
Here's what happens when you're raised in survival mode:
Your needs become secondary. Other people's comfort, safety, and satisfaction come first. Your hunger, your tiredness, your desire for rest—those are luxuries you can't afford to prioritize.
Food becomes functional, not pleasurable. You eat to fuel the work, not to enjoy the experience. Meals are quick, rushed, or skipped entirely because there's always something more important to do.
Emotions get stuffed down with food—or restriction. You weren't given space to feel your feelings, so you learned to manage them with food. Either eating to numb discomfort or restricting to regain a sense of control when everything else feels chaotic.
Your body becomes something to manage, not listen to. You've learned to override your body's signals—push through hunger, ignore fatigue, dismiss pain. Your body is a tool for productivity, not a source of wisdom.
Sound familiar?
This is what happens when the "Strong Black Woman" narrative meets diet culture. You end up in a constant battle with your body, your hunger, and your worth.
The Strong Black Woman → Food Control Connection
Let's connect the dots between cultural expectations and how you eat:
You Can't Show Weakness → You Can't Trust Your Hunger
If needing things is weakness, then hunger becomes something to control rather than honor. You eat on a schedule, not when you're actually hungry. You ignore your body's signals because "it's not time yet" or "I shouldn't be hungry again."
What this looks like: Skipping meals because you're "too busy," then binging later because you're ravenous. Or eating exactly the "right" portions regardless of whether your body actually needs more or less.
Everything Is Earned, Nothing Is Given → Food Becomes a Reward System
You weren't allowed to want things just because you wanted them—everything had to be earned, justified, deserved. So food becomes a transaction: "I can eat this because I worked out" or "I deserve this treat because I had a hard day."
What this looks like: Rigid food rules that have nothing to do with actual hunger. Guilt after eating something "bad." The belief that your body's needs are conditional on your behavior.
Your Body Must Be Controlled → Food Becomes the Battlefield
When you feel out of control in other areas of life (work stress, relationship struggles, family obligations), food becomes the one thing you CAN control. Restriction gives you a sense of order when everything else is chaos.
What this looks like: Intense food rules during stressful times. "Clean eating" that's really about control, not health. The scale becoming the measure of your worth.
Pleasure Is Suspicious → Eating for Joy Feels Wrong
If you were taught that struggle builds character and ease makes you weak, then enjoying food—really savoring it, taking time with it, choosing it just because it tastes good—feels indulgent or wrong.
What this looks like: Eating quickly, standing up, while doing other things. Never really tasting your food. Feeling guilty when you eat something just because you wanted it, not because it was "healthy" or "earned."
Three Inherited Food Beliefs to Examine
Grab a journal. Let's look at what you actually believe about food and your body:
Belief #1: "My Body Can't Be Trusted"
Where it came from: You learned to override your body's signals for survival. Hunger, fatigue, pain—those were distractions from what needed to get done.
What it sounds like now: "If I listen to my hunger, I'll eat too much." "My body's cravings are wrong." "I need external rules because I can't trust myself."
The truth: Your body is incredibly wise. It knows when it needs fuel, rest, movement, pleasure. The issue isn't that your body can't be trusted—it's that you've been taught to ignore it.
Belief #2: "Taking Care of My Body Is Selfish"
Where it came from: You inherited the belief that everyone else's needs come before yours. Self-care, rest, nourishment—those are for other people, not for you.
What it sounds like now: "I don't have time to meal prep." "Everyone else has to eat first." "I'll take care of myself once everything else is handled" (spoiler: it never is).
The truth: Nourishing your body isn't selfish—it's necessary. You cannot pour from an empty cup. And taking time to feed yourself well is an act of self-respect, not selfishness.
Belief #3: "My Worth Depends on My Body Size"
Where it came from: Diet culture sold you the lie that smaller equals better, healthier, more disciplined, more worthy. And for Black women specifically, there's added pressure to fit white beauty standards that were never designed with our bodies in mind.
What it sounds like now: "I'll be happy when I lose the weight." "I can't do [X] until my body looks [Y]." "My body is something to fix, not celebrate."
The truth: Your worth has nothing to do with your body size. Your value is inherent, not conditional. And your body—right now, as it is—deserves nourishment, rest, pleasure, and respect.
Steps Toward Body Trust and Food Freedom
Healing your relationship with food isn't about another meal plan or diet. It's about unlearning the survival patterns that disconnected you from your body in the first place.
Start listening to your body's hunger and fullness cues. Before you eat, pause and ask: "Am I actually hungry right now, or am I eating for another reason?" (Both are okay—we're just practicing awareness.) Halfway through your meal, check in: "How does my body feel? Do I need more, or am I satisfied?"
Separate food from morality. Food is not "good" or "bad." You are not "good" or "bad" based on what you eat. An apple is not morally superior to a cookie—they're just different foods that serve different purposes.
Practice eating for pleasure, not just function. Choose one meal this week to eat slowly, without distractions. Really taste it. Notice the textures, flavors, how your body responds. Let yourself enjoy food without guilt.
Notice when you use food to manage emotions. There's nothing wrong with emotional eating—we all do it sometimes. But when it's your only coping mechanism, it's worth exploring what you're actually needing. Are you hungry for food, or for rest? Connection? Comfort? Space to feel your feelings?
Give yourself permission to rest without earning it. Your body doesn't need to hit a step count or burn calories to deserve rest. Rest is a biological need, not a reward for productivity.
What Food Freedom Actually Looks Like
Imagine trusting your body to tell you what it needs—and actually listening.
Imagine eating when you're hungry, stopping when you're satisfied, without rules or guilt.
Imagine choosing foods because they nourish you AND because they bring you joy—both, not either/or.
Imagine your relationship with food being peaceful instead of a constant mental battle.
That's not a fantasy—that's what happens when you heal the survival patterns that disconnected you from your body's wisdom.
Your body isn't the enemy. It never was.
It's been trying to take care of you this whole time. Maybe it's time to return the favor.
At Javery Integrative Wellness Services, we help accomplished Black women create success that doesn't require sacrificing themselves. Our culturally responsive approach supports sustainable achievement through holistic wellness that honors both ambition and authenticity.
Healing your relationship with food and body starts with understanding the patterns that got you here. Our therapists specialize in helping Black women reconnect with their bodies, challenge inherited beliefs, and create sustainable, shame-free approaches to nourishment and self-care.
Connect with a JIWS therapist here: www.javerywellness.com/get-started
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Do you eat differently when you're stressed, sad, or celebrating? What would change if you gave yourself permission to listen to your body? Share your thoughts in the comments below.