Owning Pleasure As A Black Woman, Season 7 Episode 5 - Rest Series Part 3
I used to lie in bed at two or three in the morning while my brain ran a full audit of our finances.
Not during the day, when I could actually do something about it. At three a.m., when the only thing on the table was lying there, stressed, having a hard time breathing, while my mind pulled out a Rolodex of everything that was "looking a little funny" and everything we needed to do about it.
Some mornings I would just lay there and cry. This is really what we're doing at three o'clock? We're going to fret over something I cannot do anything about right now?
It drove me crazy. And if you're reading this, there's a good chance some version of that has happened to you too.
Welcome to Owning Pleasure As A Black Woman
Today we're talking about something a lot of high-achieving women don't even realize they're missing: mental rest. Not sleep, not a spa day. Mental rest — the kind of rest that happens when your brain actually gets to stop working.
This episode is part of our rest series, where we're covering all the different ways you can rest, because most of us don't know there's more than one way. There's physical rest, mental rest, emotional rest, and a number of others. If you haven't watched the last one on physical rest, go check that out first — it sets up a lot of what we're talking about today.
The Mental Labor Nobody Names
Here's what nobody says out loud: the mental labor you're carrying every single day is not just your to-do list.
It's the planning behind the planning. Remembering the dentist appointment — and also remembering your mother mentioned she needed a ride — and also noticing your partner seemed a little off today — and also thinking three steps ahead on a work project. And also, and also, and also.
For a lot of Black women, that invisible labor gets handed to you extremely early. You become the one who anticipates. The one who manages everyone's emotional weather before you've even checked your own. And it's so constant, it stops feeling like labor at all. It just becomes who you are on a day-to-day basis.
But carrying all of that, all the time, has a cost. And that cost shows up every single night.
Why Your Brain Picks the Worst Possible Time
You lie down, you're physically still, and your brain treats that stillness as an invitation. It's like: "Hey, girl — I've been waiting for you to get quiet all day just so we could sit and talk."
Suddenly it's cycling through everything you didn't have time for. The email you forgot to send. The thing you said that maybe came out wrong. Tomorrow's schedule. Next month's bills.
This isn't insomnia in the way we usually talk about it. It's an overloaded mind that never really gets a break. If you never give your brain scheduled time to process, it will find the time itself — and it's usually at three o'clock, right when you're trying to sleep.
Mental Rest Isn't Doing Nothing
Just like we talked about with physical rest, mental rest isn't about doing less or doing absolutely nothing. It's about giving your brain permission to stop holding everything at once.
Three practices I give my clients all the time:
Brain dump. Before bed, or any time the noise and chatter get too loud, get it out of your head and onto paper. Everything — the to-dos, the worries, the random thoughts, the people you need to talk to, the thing your coworker said. You're not solving your issues. You're just setting them down so your brain doesn't have to keep holding onto them. If you need to go back and look at it, it will always be there for you. I promise.
Monotasking. One thing at a time. I'll be honest — I continue to struggle with this one, and I'm a work in progress. It sounds almost too simple, but multitasking isn't actually efficient. It's your brain switching rapidly between tasks, and that switching back and forth is exhausting. Pick one thing. Finish it. Then move to the next.
Scheduled mental breaks. Not collapsing on the couch to binge-watch something, and not doom-scrolling. An actual pause where you're not solving, planning, or managing anything at all. Even five minutes of genuinely doing nothing counts toward this break.
Two Questions to Sit With
Before you close this out, I want you to sit with two reflection questions. You don't have to answer them right now — just let them sit with you.
What thoughts follow you to bed every single night?
What mental labor are you carrying that no one else sees?
Rest Is Not Earned
Mental rest isn't a luxury. It's not indulgent. It's the thing that lets your brain finally put something down after carrying it all day — because tomorrow, you're going to be carrying it all over again.
You deserve a mind that can rest. Not just a body that gets sleep.
And remember: rest is not earned. You don't have to do anything for it. You just have to give yourself permission to have it.
Your Next Step
If this stirred something in you, I created a free 7-Day Self-Care Reset specifically for high-achieving Black women who are tired of surviving and ready to start feeling as good as their life looks. It's free, it's short, and it meets you exactly where you are.
→ Grab it at javerywellness.com/reset
And if you're watching on YouTube — make sure you subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss the next episode in this rest series.
Natasha is the host of Owning Pleasure As A Black Woman and the owner of Javery Integrative Wellness Services. This podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and does not constitute therapy or a therapeutic relationship. If you are struggling or in crisis, please contact a licensed mental health professional or the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.